I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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