mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
