so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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