oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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