Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
