I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
