I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
