She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
