People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
