flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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