I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
