I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
