There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
