First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
