Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
