I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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