i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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