Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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