Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
