I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
