I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize