Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
