Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
