I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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