I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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