Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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