It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
