Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
