i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
