Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
