I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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