so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
