a queef is a wish your heart makes.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
