Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize