I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize