so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
