that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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