spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I believe in your delicious
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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