you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
