I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Enjoy the penises
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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