and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
