it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
