My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
