it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
