At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
