I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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