Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I can text with my tongue
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
