i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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