I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Omg I joined a choir last night...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
