the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
