I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
