i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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