i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
