i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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