dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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