I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
