dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
