Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
