Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Quick, to the slutcave!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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