Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
