JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
