So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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