We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
