I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
