Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Your dad touched me again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize