Dude my mom stole all your condoms
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
