so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
