Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
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