its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
