well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
