I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
