I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
