I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
