Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
